Firstly, this isn’t a pity me post, or a beg for attention. I always wanted to use this blog as a way to express how I’m feeling, acknowledge those feelings and address them in a positive way. Until now I’ve been too scared to do that, worried that people will think I’m attention seeking. But I’m really not, I just want to come up with a way to deal with what I am feeling and help other people who may be feeling something similar realise they are not alone.
Recently I’ve been so overwhelmed with this feeling that I’m not good enough, and that I will never be good enough. That nothing I do is any good, or worthy of feeling good about. I don’t know why I am struggling with this so much, but it’s like there is this thing inside of me that is rendering me incapable of believing that I can do something. I constantly feel inadequate and have no confidence in myself, who I am and who I want to be. I’ll talk myself out of doing things and struggle to motivate myself towards achieving what I really want to be able to do.
An example is an Instagram I started to share my passion for digital marketing, and as a way to proactively overcome my fear of ‘putting myself out there’. And while I really want to share my thoughts, I cringe every time I post something, with the feeling of ‘who am I to be saying any of this?’
And with this blog, I haven’t been posting as regulararly as I used to and want to, because nothing I’ve written feels good enough to post. And every idea I have, everytime I go to write, I physically can’t get over the block of ‘what’s the point, it’s not going to be any good’.
The things I’m achieving at work, I want to be able to look at them and feel proud. When I am able to work something out and get something done, I want to be able to say ‘yeah I did that and yeah it’s good’. Instead, I can’t help worrying that it’s wrong and my thoughts get consumed with ‘sure you’ve done it, but someone else would have done it a lot better, or a lot faster, or made less of a fuss’.
I’m worried that these feelings are going to prevent me from actually achieving anything, or get to where I want to get to. My dream would be to confidently be working in digital marketing/SEO, while being able to help people and make a difference. Right now I don’t feel like I will ever be good enough to achieve these things. But I’m so passionate about them and I don’t want to let myself, or anyone else, down.
So while I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to address and overcome these thoughts, I’m so keen to do something about it. That’s why I’m writing this post, to put it out to the universe that I’m ready to work through these feelings, and slowly gain the confidence that I need in order to achieve the things I want to achieve.
I also really wanted to post this because I realised how much better I felt once I wrote down how I was feeling. If you’re struggling with any emotions that you can’t seem to explain, I can’t recommend enough just writing down how you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it and work through it.